Saturday, 30 January 2016
It is a scientific fact that while looking after an infant 50% of your unconscious brain activity is devoted to modifying song lyrics to fit your current circumstances. This begins right from when baby comes back from the hospital, when early hits such as Petula Clark's Downstairs and school assembly favourite Clean Clean Nappy (On Her Bottom) first burst onto the airwaves.
Mid-period classics tended to focus on either getting food into the Elspedoodle (Oasis's pub-rock anthem (You've Got To) Drink Your Milk) or further ruminations on what comes out (Do We Need To Change Your Nappy? from Disney's Frozen). Many dozens on similar themes were created and sadly forgotten about.
Late-period works often succumbed to baroque excess, culminating in the Kinks' nostalgic The E------ Appreciation Society. A full set of alternative lyrics exists for this song but have been embargoed under the 30 year rule .
By the end of my leave period almost the entire Western pop canon had been transformed in this way.
 One line leaked to the NME gives a flavour: # We Are The E------ Nutritional Consultancy / God Bless Jumbo Oats, Pitta Hummus and Broccoli #